Diary of a young happy girl

Take it artistically.

17 October 2015
…Happy. I feel my heart stopping and all of my thoughts go away. It is all a solemn feeling of freedom and peace. There is no past, no future, no reason, no “what ifs”, no “what do they think about it”.

24 December 2015
So please, come back and give me the feeling of warmth and safety like a bonfire on a chilly winter night. Fuck me up again.

10 January 2015,00:56
I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore,but I just wish for it to happen once more.I want to feel the blood rushing and everything else to disappear.Just once more,for the last time.Warmth and safety once more.Just you,once more.

12 February 2016,00:03
I hate him.

25 February 2016,00:59
The background is still the same.Same routine,same favourite song,same reputation,same city.But nothing is the same.We are not the same.
Strangers in a city we both know so well.Crossing the same road,the same déjà vu.How easy it is for you to pretend I’m just another stranger to pass by.But we both know I’m not.I crossed your mind at 2am,I don’t care what reason you had.And I just can’t be another stranger.I’m the girl you will see in 10 years,and ask yourself everyday how dumb you could be.I promise you.I hope the way I looked at you,the scent of me down the hallways leaves you the sweet taste of heaven,that’s gonna take you straight to somewhere you don’t belong anymore.And we will be at the same place,10 years from now,and I’m gonna smile so bright to you. I could never hate you.But I can sure as hell make you nonexistent to my universe full of shiny stars.And that will be enough to make you wanna call me.That will be enough to make you want to be mine.That will be enough to prove you that you lost this time.I promise.Because a girl like me could never be just a stranger to pass by.Your mother should have told you that.

26 February 2016,23:44
I keep telling everyone about you,so I can keep you alive in me.

27 February 2016,12:36
I wish I was meeting you,instead of people to talk about you.

12 March 2016,Saturday early morning
And that’s how it went.
I had a boy by my side that hugged me so tight and cared about me that much to make me happy and shiny.And I don’t know what went wrong.And I don’t want to think you were one of the reasons it went wrong.But you were.Because when they said he gave me warmth,I got angry at them because warmth and safety was what you felt like,not his hugs and the way he took care of me.Because when I saw you that day,I didn’t feel a thing,but you conquered my thoughts.Because it had been so long with you,it felt impossible to do it with someone else right now.And you were the first one I told how much I loved him,and you will always be that one.I hate that I’m saying this but you were what I wanted.And it breaks me a lot the fact that you don’t wanna love me,but it breaks me more the fact that I’m breaking someone’s heart.And I don’t know if this could go any worse.I just know that I have to get back to some beauty sleep,so when I wake up I will have forgotten about you and I will be so pretty to shine.And I will be ready for someone to admire me the way only you could,but you never did.

17 March 2016,03:08
How long will it last if we dance?
Baby,I just wish for it to happen once again.A little bit more.I want to embrace the warmth of your body eventhough your heart is cold and your cigarettes run one after another.I want your arms to wrap me in a sense of safety and make me lose myself and then find it again.Just one moment to feel the whole universe in me,each experience relived,each wish came true,each feeling embraced,each memory faded,all and nothing.Please,just don’t leave me out in the dark alone scared of myself.Fill me with moments,memories to recall so I can finally say that I did it.I will finally be able to say that I loved you,I really did.I will forget it all after that.But just a little more of my favorite faded fanstasy.Just a little more taste of sweet heaven and brutal reality.Just a little more of you and me,just a little more of us.

                                                    How much longer will it last ?


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