Deafening silence

Sitting by the table,thinking about your life. Marina and the Diamonds songs continue on the background. Sitting in the living room,alone. All the lights are turned on to fill the empty spaces.Oh,but no.They can't shine through my dark corners. Everything is messy.Let's start from your messy hair to your messy thoughts. Yeah,they are tangled around like snakes trying to feel something again. Outside is calm,that kind of calm that terrifies you.It terrifies you because you can't handle being alone with your thoughts.The moon shines on your face,just to remind you that you have to wake up.But sometimes people don't want to wake up.No,no.It's not that I'm living a dream.It's because if I wake up it will be worse than that nightmare that makes you scared.French books on the floor,shit goes down and yeah,you have to do that creative writing part about your wishes and life and plans and the future.You stare endlessly at the blank page.Hours pass,you continue to feel numb. Room full of comfy chairs,sofas...empty ones. But it seems normal to you. You think of your empty sofas all around your body.Blood keeps feeding your cells with oxygen,but you don't feel like breathing.Your fingers continue typing words without sense that appear instantly on the compture screen.You see your nails chewed down,destroyed.
        What is wrong? Huh,that question.Everyone seems to ask,but nobody really cares,babe.And you start laughing out loud.It's really funny how your life has been transformed to this. But then again,let's pretend you care.Nothing is right,absolutely nothing. You wake up,do that partly makeup,go to school and sit there for half of your day.You dont listen a word,but yeah just be quiet.They think you are interested.Watching the same ugly faces everyday is death,darling. Boring,boring,boring.And those infinite hours are finally over.You come home and your energy is over.Pretending to be good all day drowns you in your thoughts.You go and sleep for hours,no its not a nap.Then you wake up,and open your books to do the homework.Those words written there stress you out.It's like opening the cage of monsters.You close it and pack the bag and then you stay there staring at the wall.And then the day is over. What a life.
       Tired of all this.And still,Marina and the Diamonds is on the background.Nothing changes.Im going to pack the bag and contiune the routine. I am extremely happy with it.
I still love you though. 
 <3 Ana <3


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